One day while I was sitting on the beach watching a group of girls frolicking in the ocean, a sadness engulfed me. It wasn't a feeling of sadness that would catapult me into a depression, but one where it felt like I needed a HUGE hug.
The girls were laughing and standing on each other's shoulders and doing back flips. This is what I used to do. By doing these flips, the girls had no idea what the outcome would be. If they would receive the perfect score or hit the water with their face. There were many times where I would taste salt water for days.
This is what I wanted. I was always the girl who did things first and who took risks. My friends would tell me that I never batted an eyelash about anything. My mantra was, "I'm in." Maybe that is why I received more lectures from my parents than I can count.
Where had that girl gone now? Where was I taking risks and how did I let her go so far away? I just turned 50 and my boys are 23 & 20. They are men and will have their own lives. Even though I will never be an empty-nester, my son, Casey, who is on the spectrum, will probably always live with us. This does not mean I should give up my dreams and throw in the towel? Right?
So, when I got home, I sat down and made a list. I used to hate the other moms who did this because I always thought of someone like "June Cleaver". You know the well put together mom who had it all. Or she was just drunk half the time.
Afterward I took a gander at it. I took a breathe and realized that these were attainable and some were gonna be total risks! I finally saw a glimmer of the girl with the blond, short, funky hair who was not afraid of anything!!!
Some may think I am totally nuts, while others will be cheering me on! Here is some on the "infamous" list:
1. Do tandem sky diving - For those of you who don't know what this is, it is when you have a qualified instructor on top of you. He or she is the one who pulls the parachute. This is scheduled for the end of the summer.
2. Write a book - I put myself out there and it is at the editor right now. It is a book about raising a child with special needs and how we used laughter to get through the day. My husband is crossing his fingers, toes, and any other body part that it sells.
3. Learn paddle boarding - Doing it as we speak. I was not that coordinated, but getting the hang of it. Out in the bay where I am conquering my fear of fish!
4. Take a yoga class - Okay, this is funny to me. I am lucky I can bend my knees, never mind stretching body muscles you never knew you had. The last class I was so relaxed, I did the unthinkable. Yeah, you guessed it - I farted LOUDLY. Class is on Friday. Let you know if I go.
This is just a small list. But by exploring these things, that girl I fell in love with is slowly coming back. And this realization came to mind - just because life throws you some curveballs, does not mean you give up growing and changing as a person. Enjoy life and most of all, take risks and laugh!!! The girl who laughed never left and now the one who took risks is creeping in!!! Sky's the limit.